You would think being a baker I would have all of the patience in the world. This thought is false. If I had patience I would be able to create those beautiful cakes with details of delicate lace, pearls, chocolate sculptures, and other fancy shit. My book has a recipe for two minute mug cake because it takes two minutes, not two days. My lack of patience has really been weighing on me in the process of growing out my hair.
September will mark one year of hair growth from when I last shaved it off. I was so excited about the journey of watching my bio hair do its thing without me interrupting the process with razors, glue, or wig tape. It was also symbolic if you recall my “GrowtH” post, because I was going through growth of my own on so many levels. But here’s the thing about growth, you have to keep evolving in order to grow. I dyed my short hair blonde in January for a new year, new hair moment for 2019. Since then my hair has more than doubled in length, but I’m bored. I don’t like how it looks, I feel like I’m waiting for some big reveal when it hits a length I can work with, but really when has waiting for an outcome that you wanted ever worked out in your favor? You have to put in work, you have to do shit you don’t want to do, despite the fear keeping you stagnant. You don’t just sit back and wait for your life to reach peak success. You make-shit-happen.
My outcome for my hair growth is to ultimately feel more comfortable with my wig off. It’s not even about my hair growth. I don’t know if having long, stringy hair that still shows my scalp will make me feel like I can go outside without a wig like I did for the first 25 years of my life. So far I don’t like what I am seeing. My goal is to be comfortable with my wig off. Growing out my hair is an excuse to keep hiding under my wig. I have been listening to Wayne Dyer’s “Excuses Be Gone” audio book, and I am realizing my approach to growing out my hair is an excuse that is blocking me from my true potential. I am getting in my own way again, but this time I am aware enough to knock it off. Sure, it took me 10 months to realize I was doing this to myself, but I had the realization nonetheless.
You can have a moment of clarity, realization, or epiphany all you want, but if you don’t take action, who gives a shit? Actions speak louder than words. I don’t care if I am sharing the fact that I am aware that growing my hair is an excuse, I care that I have grown enough to do something about it. I am shutting that excuse down. I took a poll on instagram, asking if I should rock a shaved head or a platinum pixie. No one answers those polls and no one uses a poll to solve their life problems, but I was torn on what to do and knew putting it on blast socially would make me stick to doing something. To my surprise 78 people weighed in. 37% voted for my head shaved, 63% favored the platinum pixie. Multiple people messaged me to say I look great either way. Those messages really made my day, because the community I have surrounded myself with is so supportive. I want everyone struggling with hair loss, weight loss, job loss, love loss, etc. to have such support.
I am going back to the platinum pixie. After that I will probably shave my head, and after that who knows? I do know that I will break the habit of making excuses. The phrase “assholes are like excuses, everybody has one,” comes to mind. I have an asshole. I don’t need anymore. If we all stopped making excuses for not living our lives to our optimum potential you know what would happen? We would be living our lives at our optimum potential. Isn’t that the goal? Get out of your way.
