Happy Valentine’s day, Babes! If you are marred, divorced, single, dating, loving yourself, or pints of Ben & Jerry’s I celebrate you, because it is all important and apart of our journey. I never thought I would be writing a blog about bald sex (I’m talking skull not vag), but here I am! I have finally found confidence in myself enough to take my wig off and share my most authentic self in the most vulnerable way. The reality is, yes, awkward at first, but ultimately so rewarding and liberating. Here is how I finally overcame my fears and embraced sex without my wig.
Self-Love: I love me, I love my body, I love my Alopecia-shaved head, I love my smile, and I love all of my imperfections that I am constantly obsessing over and poking. I know. I sound full of shit, but when you come to peace with who you are, you realize everything about you makes you unique. In a world full of makeup and injectables (not hating, botox is in my near future, and I feel sexiest in a full face of frosting), being different is sexy. I stand out. I don’t blend in with a crowd. That’s a lot of pressure for a woman who lacks confidence. That was my life. I started my journey to self-love after a bad relationship ended in 2018, and it was the end of who I was. I was insecure, I was hiding under wigs, I was scared of dying alone, I was ugly, I was fat, I was unable to love and be loved.
This transformation didn’t happen overnight, and the negative thoughts have not disappeared forever. I worked on myself all day, from positive affirmations in the morning, to looking at my bald head in the mirror after work saying “you are beautiful, I love you” (yeah I cringed at first too), to listening to a self-love meditation while I slept, so it hammered into my self-conscious. I did all of the things over and over until I believed it. I started catching my negative thoughts in the moment and nipping them in the butt. I caught myself judging other women less. Instead of wondering why she was wearing such a tight dress, I thought ‘I want that confidence.’ These subtle changes have had a great impact on my self-esteem.
Dating: When I had been on dating apps before my self-love transformation, I hid the fact that I wore wigs, even after “coming out” with my Alopecia. I spent a year in a long distance relationship, so when we saw each other if was for three to ten days at a time. I never took my wig off around him. I honestly never wanted to. That says so much about him. Yes, I was insecure, but he didn’t make me feel that I could let my guard down around him. Ladies, this is a red flag. Once I jumped into the dating pool after my breakup, I took a much bolder approach of posting pictures of myself with my wig on. I went back and forth with this approach, and then decided to take the pictures down and just tell my dates straight up. I knew my delivery was everything and since I was at a better place with myself it wasn’t so hard to drop the news.
I had my first FaceTime date with my current boyfriend Eight months ago. I gave Taylor a tour of my apartment, and when I introduced him to my wig wall I explained that I wore wigs because I have Alopecia. He was surprised and also so intrigued, he thought is was fun. I was relieved. Two weeks later I took my wig off in front of him after our first night together. He kissed my head, and I knew my confidence attracted a man that was secure enough in himself to see me for who I was, not what hair I had on my head or lack there of.
Bald Sex: Now for the fun part. I had sex with my hair on for the first two months of our relationship. I felt sexiest when I had the wig on. We had amazing sex then, and I thought that if I took off my wig it would take my mind out of the moment. I orgasmed a lot with Taylor, and I thought that if I took my wig off, that would change (sex is so mental). I really did feel like myself with him, and he constantly reassured me that he wanted me to be comfortable, so when I was ready, he was ready to see all of me. I finally got over myself (or got over Taylor asking me to take my wig off so much) and just did it. I needed the lighting to be dark, because baby steps, and I went to bed without my wig that night. You know what happened? I still got off, AND he still told me how beautiful I was. I will admit that I didn’t feel as sexy at first, because it took some getting used to, but the kisses on my head and constant compliments and body worshipping really made me forget what hair even was! We had and still have the best sex I have ever experienced, and it is, because for the first time in my life I am owning who I am, and truly sharing that with a partner. Who would have thought?! Seriously, twenty-five- year-old Jessica would have died of mortification if she looked into a crystal ball. But, it’s true what they say. Love really does change you. Self-love that is.
If you are at a fork in the road in your journey where you are deciding between continuing to hide under wigs during sex, or rip off your wig and really be free intimately, I can’t suggest the later anymore. Taylor sees me with my wig off more than he sees me with it on now. I even let him shave my head for Valentine’s Day. We have such a strong bond because I have shared my true, unique self with him. Hair really doesn’t define me, my relationship, or my sex life. So don’t deny yourself. Baldies need love too.
Heres the link to Taylor shaving my head: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DVvjjDN5DWo&t=1s
Happy Valentine’s Day!
