The Oscars: A Missed Opportunity

The Oscars of 2022 was not the show to be slept on. If you are like me and watched it a few hours later, or haven’t yet, I will fill you in on the controversy. Before I watched the Oscars I got a call from a friend with the spoiler of the night! She wanted my opinion on how I would feel in that moment, and if the whole thing was blown out of proportion. Without seeing it myself, I figured it depended on how Jada Pinkett Smith took the joke, but making fun of a medical condition in general is wrong. It’s taboo, even for comedians. I had a hard time forming an opinion without seeing the altercation myself. After watching the slap with a friend who had no idea Jada has Alopecia, and discussing the situation with my friends and the Alopecia community, my biggest takeaway is an opportunity to educate was missed. Let me break it down.

“It was one of those times in my life where I was literally shaking with fear.”

-Jada Pinkett Smith on losing her hair to Alopecia.

Jada Pinkett Smith came out with her struggles of her Alopecia diagnosis in 2018. Since then she has shaved her head and rocked it for the world to see. Looking at her I just see a beautiful, fierce, confident woman, like I’m sure most people see, some not knowing that she has Alopecia or what that is. If you are new to my blog, Alopecia is an autoimmune disorder resulting in hair loss. It comes in many forms, none of which are fun. It can affect men and women (and non binary) just the same, but from my personal experience society is not as excepting to female hair loss. When a woman decides to come out publicly with her hair loss struggle by shaving her head, it is a big deal, because going against the societal norm takes balls. Jada has been shaving her head and advocating for Alopecia over the last few years, using her platform to educate people on what Alopecia is and what it looks like.

On Sunday, March 27th, 2022 at the Oscars, Chris Rock took the stage to present the award for best documentary. In true comedian fashion he threw out some cheeky jokes, throwing one in particular that didn’t land well.

“Jada, I love ya. G.I. Jane 2, can’t wait to see ya.”

– Chris Rock to Jada Pinkett Smith at the 2022 Oscar Awards Ceremony.

Hearing the joke I was caught off guard. It wasn’t really funny, and in the right context it was a compliment. G.I. Jane is a smoke show. I was confused on why Chris Rock said anything at all, but I couldn’t be too mad at the joke alone. Sources close to Chris claim he didn’t know Jada has Alopecia, which I believe could be true, as the friend I was with had no idea, and I only know because I am in so deep with the Alopecia community that I know every new celebrity member. I was also under the impression that Chris has a history with the Smith’s, so how could he not know? I am anxious to hear his statement. As the camera turned to show Will Smith laughing, knowing that Jada has Alopecia, while her eyes were rolling out of her head in disgust, I immediately felt defensive. I was also surprised that Will laughed in the first place. Once he realized Jada was not having it he walked up on stage and slapped Chris in the face.

“Keep my wife’s name out of your f*cking mouth!”

– Will Smith to Chris Rock post slap.

I watched even more confused, as I wasn’t sure if this was a staged performance leading to something that actually made sense, something meaningful, or at the very least comical. The audience was left divided. The ones that didn’t know Jada has Alopecia saw a husband defending his wife in a barbaric, toxic, masculine fashion. While the people that know her struggle felt the slap was at least coming from a place of emotional support, just in the worst way. Will missed an opportunity here, one I have missed myself, because I let my emotions get the best of me as well.

“She doesn’t have Alopecia. She has ‘I want to be a part of a cause’ syndrome.”

– Internet troll comment on my Instagram post in 2017.

When I came out with my Alopecia in 2017 I had a very hard time remaining confident, as I have shared in previous posts. I posted pictures of my shaved head wanting to be confident in my choice to shave it, because I knew it was something I had to do to bring me closer to acceptance, but I was resentful that I had to overcome the disease at all. When I posted a picture of myself for Alopecia Awareness month, a woman with Alopecia Universalis (complete body hair loss), commented asking where my Alopecia was, as she could see I had eyebrows and eyelashes. One of my followers defended me by saying I had Alopecia Areata, and that is when this woman said, “she doesn’t have Alopecia. She has ‘I want to be apart of a cause’ syndrome.” My heart sank. My biggest fear of not being accepted by the Alopecia community had come true. I was insecure that I wasn’t bald enough, and this woman called it out. I was overwhelmed with emotion and instead of taking that moment to educate her on my specific type of Diffuse Alopecia Areata, I got defensive and asked, “Who are you to tell me what I have or don’t have?” Then I blocked her. I cringe thinking about this moment, just like I cringed when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock. He lost his opportunity to educate someone about Alopecia like I had, only on a much grander scale.

There are many lessons to be learned for all of us from this incident. We are all human, and even celebrity humans make mistakes, but if we don’t make mistakes, we can’t learn from them. I hope Chris has learned the insensitivity and hurt his jokes can cause, and to be the most informed on the situation at hand before deciding to make light of a medical condition. It would have taken him two seconds to Google why Jada shaved her head (if he truly didn’t know she has Alopecia), and another two seconds to Google what Alopecia is, which maybe would have made him think twice before deciding to make a joke that made a beautiful woman uncomfortable in front of her peers.

Will Smith reacted under extreme emotion. Not just from seeing his wife upset, but under the pressure of being nominated for an Oscar that night, and the pressures of his marriage, family, and life we don’t know. He let those emotions get the best of him, and he took that moment away from Jada and Alopecia, and made it about himself. The controversy could have been so different, so much more focused on the issue at the core which is a person’s struggle with hair loss. My wish for him is that he takes a beat the next time he is triggered with emotion, and represents his family as the Hero we all know and love on our TV screens. I was rooting for him to grab that mic and praise his wife for being so strong and inspirational while shedding light on a disease that many people don’t recognize. A disease that claimed the life of a 12 year old girl through suicide just 13 days prior. The timing of this matter couldn’t be more crucial and should be used to highlight a bigger issue.

On March 14th, 2022, 12-year-old Rio Allred took her own life after being bullied by her classmates for her Alopecia. Kids took off her wig and smacked her head. My heart breaks for Rio and her family. The school system failed her. Another missed opportunity to educate, only this time a life is lost.

If you would like to donate to Rio’s GoFundMe, please do so here.

I hope we can all take this incident to heart and have compassion for those involved, and remember it the next time our insecurities are attacked, broadcast, and ridiculed in our own lives. Reacting out of fear will divide us. Reacting out of love will unite us. Xo